| Sunday, February 14, 2010 |
| Thoughts about you. |
Today was a fairly nice day, weather wise. It was pretty warm for February, and the wind was blowing just enough to not make you freeze. I went outside to smoke a cigarrette, yeah, I know, one day I will quit those things. As I was out there, there was something peaceful about the setting. The sun was shining, the wind blowing, and you can hear the wind blowing off of the bay from where I was standing.
I began to think about a few things. Since it is Valentine's Day, a certain thing came to mind. I thought about how this entire weekend played out. It was a nice weekend for the most part, and everytime we get together, we seem to be able to open up a little bit more to one another. As with anything that is this scary there is always some doubt. Although, it seems I am the one carrying most of the doubt burden. He seems to know exactly what it is he is trying to do, where he wants to be, and who he wants to be with.
I cannot explain why I question any of it. I can, however, explain what I think of it all. I do not share the same thoughts as he, being that we could have started this twenty years ago. I remember what I was like then, and oddly, I recall what he was like then as well. We totally would have been at that time, so wrong for each other. There is no doubt in my mind about that.
I do know that just a simple glance by him, or a kiss, a hug, anything is enough to make me melt; almost instantaneously. There really isn't a lot I can do about that. It's just the way it is. And, do I really want to change that anyhow? No, I do not. I can look into his eyes and see the things he sometimes doesn't say; that I say all the time. With that, I can feel it. Just being with him gives me the absolute best feeling I have ever had. EVER.
I know where this is heading. I knew almost from the start.I just have to keep myself in check when things are less than perfect and make sure I don't attempt to run.
We both made a mutual promise to each other today. He knows what it is. I intend to keep mine. Through all of the trying times and rough ones, we are still here...and still WANT to be.
And, now I will go...I will leave my mom's house to go home, missing him like crazy...almost to tears, the way I always do. The exact same way one would....when they're in love. |
posted by Chrissyisms @ 5:35 PM  |
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